Surgery and other stuff

Ok - yesterday Joans and I went to see her surgeon - not like I didn't know what we were going to talk about, or the decision that Joans had made concerning removing her left breast - I knew that she was going to tell him to do it, I knew that she was going to tell him to do it as soon as possible as not to risk another infection and possibly a hospitalization because of her kidneys - why then is it such a surprise and why am I so upset that it is already scheduled for next Tuesday?  That they went ahead and did their jobs and scheduled it right away, just as she wants?????? Why can't I get the fear out of my head, fear that something is going to happen to her???  It's not the breast - I really could not care what happens to the actual breast, especially if it means she will not have any more infections that criple her and cause her so much pain - not sure exactly what it is that has me so scared - the kidneys?  Maybe - maybe I think they won't be able to make it through another surgery - maybe. 
I am trying not to feed the fear - trying to move beyond it - trying to feel so alone - that's what this whole thing makes me feel - alone - like sitting in the waiting room of the surgery center just waiting, waiting for the familiar face of the doctor to come tell me everything is ok - that she made it through fine, that I can see her in a half an hour or so - look at me - it's not even here yet, it's a week from today and I've got myself so worked up I could explode - help me - help me - help me

Diana!

Today's card - Diana - "Focused Intention - Keep your unwavering thoughts, feelings, and actions focused on your target, and you will make your mark"!!!!!  I am focusing on love today - love for everyone that comes in and out of my life today, known, and unknown, I send them love, I am love, I am divine!  Everything is in divine and perfect order right now!
It's hard sometimes to remember that, that things happen as part of the whole big picture, co-created for a reason, our reason, our agreement, our vibration - it's hard to see through the crap that seems to come up - but I KNOW that all is well, I am grateful for all in my life, I am healed, whole, and healthy!  I am divine, I am love, help me help someone to find themselves today :)

Goddess card

Today's Goddess card is Athena - Inner Wisdowm - "You know what to do. Trust your inner wisdom, and take appropriate action without delay".

Monday, Monday

A nice weekend - too short as usual.
I am calling on my angels to assist me in every way and show me the direction I should be traveling to realize my dreams - my dreams are important - I am divine, I am wonderful, I surrender to them and ask all my angels and guides and the spirits around me for assistance and signs that they are here, I ask for their guidiance and protection - show me the way - help me to help someone find themselves today :)

Thank you