Grateful

Today's Goddess card is Ixchel - Medicine Woman - "you are a channel for Divine healing power".  Showing me that the situation is healed - I am a healer, of my own and the ones that I love.  I am grateful for this card today to remind me that thought is what creates my life.  I am grateful for everything in my life, and everyone in my life.  I love Joni, I love John, I love Daniel, I love Gram, I love my Mom, I love everyone who I interact with today either in person or on the phone.  Love, knowing, bliss!!!!!!!! I am abundance in every part of my life

Trying

Ok - I'm trying today.  It's not easy and I'm teetering between making it and just laying down - not staying down mind you, just laying down and taking a rest.  Waiting for the doctor to call with Joni's biopsy results - the waiting HAS to be worse than actually knowing what is wrong - cause waiting just fills your head with the "what if's".  I'm trying to stay upbeat but most of me wants to scream, cry, and stamp my feet even!  Always seems to be some kind of drama - or is it just life showing up perfectly and I am perceiving it differently......everyone tells me how strong I am - I don't know if that would be accurate - I don't really feel strong, most days I feel blessed.  If I really think about it I am soooo blessed that I should have no fear as to what is going on now - everything is right and perfect and devine right now.  Except it doesn't quite feel that way - oh I can reach the feeling of blessed, just can't keep it - it's like something inside of me keeps saying - "no" you can't be blessed when this mess is all around you.  Why not???  I'm alive, right now.  Joni's alive, right now!  No matter what the doctor says she is alive RIGHT NOW!!!!  As I saw how my Dad's illness took over not his life as much as mine and my mom's - he was in the middle of it and we pretended he didn't know how sick he really was - He KNEW how sick he really was, better than we did.....it didn't change him, who he was or what he did everyday....guess I thought it would or should....guess I thought he would beat it like he did everything else.....maybe he did too?  We will never know...how did this go to something about him when I'm worried about Joni and me?  Because that's the nearest thing that my mind and ego has to compare it with????  The feelings I had then???  That SUCKS!!!!!!!  I choose to step into the unknown and trust, trust that she will be ok.....trust that the house will be ok.....love my life no matter what is going on!  I am loved, loved by so many, loved by the BEST - eternally, forever, no matter what happens....I AM ETERNAL!

That's my boy!  79 and doin fine!

Daddy

Ok, so the anniversary of my Dad's passing was on Saturday, September 18th.  On Friday night I was at a funeral and something made me think of him and a memory of him when I was little.  Sitting at the Consistory in Collingswood - I'm about 8 years old or so.  My mom and I and him are there listening to Larry Farrari play the organ.  Larry is playing a sing-a-long and the song "Let me call you sweetheart" is playing, everyone is singing and I distinctly remember my Dad looking at me and singing and smiling.  It's a nice memory of him that I treasure - anyway, Saturday Joans and John and I are shopping for his shoes, getting his eyes checked, etc. and end up at McDonald's in Turnersville for lunch.  We get our food and sit down - the music playing in the background is elevator music, John says he feels like he's in an elevator - we all laugh about it cause most McDonald's now days play radio type music.  We start to eat and all of a sudden "Let me call you sweetheart" comes over the speaker - I start to cry (actually sob) - can't believe that it's on there on his anniversary to boot!  Guess he was just saying "Hi" on that day!

Path in life

Today's cards are - Divine Guidance, Signs, and Truth & Integrity.
Ok - so I don't have a clue what I am supposed to do today to help myself down my path.  I am grateful to be here, grateful to be loved, grateful to love.  I feel as tho I could cry, cry for what has happened and what has not happened in my life.  What are my dreams?  What do I want?  Is it really to work with animals?  After being in my house with the three dogs I'm not so sure anymore lol.  I love the chickens!  I could spend all my time out in their coop just watching them - except for the mosquito bites it's where I love to be.  I love my home and my yard.  I wish I could spend my time there